Beautiful Reason
by thecon12
Summary: Takes place where 5.8 ended Erica walked away and Callie needed help figuring things out, what happens if everyone's favourite barman held all the answers? Callica


**Title:** Beautiful Reason 1/1

**Author:** thecon12

**Pairing:** Callie/Erica

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** (Takes place where 5.8 ended) Erica walked away and Callie needed help figuring things out, what happens if everyone's favourite barman held all the answers.

**Disclaimer:** All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

A bored night + writers block = this:

**Beautiful Reason**

Callie lifted the glass to her lips; the fiery liquid travelling easily down her throat. Slamming the glass back down onto the bar she let her eyes dance around the room; Cristina had hurried after Hunt and Mark…well he had some weird new thing when it came to Lexie…Callie was pretty sure he'd been flirting with her in surgery and earlier when they'd entered Joe's he'd muttered something under his breath about how 'Big Mark' and 'Little Grey' would have an awesome time together…Callie rolled her eyes; if that was a euphemism for what she thought he meant, he'd certainly lost some 'McSteamy' credit in her books.

She ordered another drink from Joe; the glass barely settling in front of her before she downed it. Callie lifted her hands to rub her temples, the headache she'd had all day lingering heavily behind her eyes. Alcohol she was sure wouldn't help her headache in anyway but it helped numb the emptiness she felt in her stomach.

A glass of water slid in front of her and she looked up to meet Joe's concerned eyes, "Thought you could use a break from your friend Tequila," she pursed her lips together and smiled sadly in response, "Rough day?"

Callie sipped at the water, 'rough day?' the man really had no idea how hellish the last two days had been for her, "You could say that if you wanted to put it mildly."

"Is that why you're here drinking alone, with puffy red eyes?"

Callie let out an amused sigh, "You're not supposed to point out to a girl that she looks like a mess because she spent half the day crying."

Joe smiled, "Sorry, my skills with woman could use some work…I didn't mean that you looked any less beautiful than normal…just sadder."

Callie shifted in her seat and let out a deep breath, not knowing where to begin, "Have you ever been so confused that you can't even find a place to start working it out?"

Joe leaned his elbows against the bar; his large hands cupping his face, "Is this about Dr Hahn?"

Callie let out a chuckle, "Of course you know."

He smiled brightly, "Of course. Is she the reason you're sad?"

"She's the reason I'm confused," Callie couldn't help letting her eyes trail over to the dart board in hope that Erica would be standing there like usual waiting for her to start a game of darts, "I don't know what I'm doing…thirty three years Joe…for thirty three years I've never once thought about the way a woman's lips looked, the way their hips sway when they walk, the way they smell…how their soft skin would feel under my fingers," she shook her head and turned her face back to Joe, "For thirty three years I thought I was straight and then she's here, she's in my life and I'm falling for her without a warning; without having time to prepare myself."

"You're trying to figure out why you feel the way you do for Erica?"

Callie nodded, "If I don't know why, how can I ever understand it."

Joe sighed, "Sometimes there is no 'why', some things don't have a reason Callie, sometimes things happen because they're meant to happen…the only thing you need to understand is that it's okay."

She looked at him inquisitively, "Is it okay though? For me not to be able to define it? To not be able to give it a label?"

"Do you think you need to label it?"

"Being with me made Erica realise that she was gay; it made her label her sexuality…she's going to date woman from now on, no more men…and I don't know what I'm feeling yet, I don't know if I'm gay or not."

"Did Erica ask you to define yourself?"

Callie looked past Joe and into the mirrored wall behind the bar; her eyes drinking in the sight of her own reflection as her mind flashed back to that morning where Erica announced her realisation. Shaking her head she let her eyes fall back to Joe, "No she didn't."

"So if she can accept that you're undecided and still want to be with you, how come you can't be comfortable enough to let her?"

Callie scowled at him and extended her arm to grab the bottle of Tequila; shooting Joe an evil look as he pushed it further out of her reach and eyed her as he waited for her answer. Her shoulders slumped and she let out a deep breath as her hand tangled into her hair, brushing the loose strands away from her face, "She said she didn't know me, she said I couldn't be 'kind of' a lesbian and walked away from me-"

"Well she told me that she didn't mean what she said, she's regretted it ever since," Callie's eyes widened in surprise, her mouth opening and closing again as the words to respond escaped her, "Erica was just angry about the Denny/Izzie thing, and with the way things have been going between you, you being Izzie's knight in shining armour just made the very in control Dr Hahn...lose it."

Callie pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to digest the information Joe had just given her, "Wait, what do you mean she told _you_?"

"She talks to me," Joe smiled, "She comes here on her own sometimes and we talk, besides you she doesn't have any friends in Seattle…she told me about what was going on between you two, and she came here the night after your fight and told me what had happened."

Callie felt her eyes burn with tears and quickly squeezed them shut to stop the tears falling pathetically down her cheeks. Opening her eyes again; her voice coming out as a whisper, "Why hasn't she told me that she didn't mean it...why hasn't she called me?"

Joe reached under the bar and settled a box of tissues next to Callie, pulling one free and handing it to her as he smiled sadly, "Maybe because she feels that she can't keep fighting for the both of you."

Callie accepted the tissue and dabbed at her eyes, "I told her I wanted to be with her."

"After sleeping with Sloan," Joe interjected rationally

Sleeping with Mark, what the hell had she been thinking; Callie let out a groan as she replayed all of her stupidity, the worst thing about this whole thing with Erica was not once had she been thinking clearly, she'd always come to some rushed conclusion, which ended up costing her more than it gained, "Tell me what to do now Joe? I need to make this right somehow and I can't take my own advice because my own advice is always messed up, wrong and not to mention all kinds of hurtful...I suck."

Joe let out an amused sigh and reached for the Tequila again, pouring one and passing it to Callie, "You don't suck Cal," he grabbed another shot glass and poured himself a drink, "You just need to calm down the pointless freaking out and find a way to show her that you want to be with her," he downed his shot and leaned his elbows onto the bar, "Look, you don't have to agree with her about the Denny thing, but you do have to understand where she's coming from and she feels like you don't…she said she thought you knew her enough to know that she needed your support."

Callie grabbed her own shot and downed it effortlessly, another one of her stupid moments that she could add to her list of 'ways to actively and thoughtlessly hurt Erica Hahn.' She slammed the glass back onto the counter, "She's resigned from Seattle Grace, and I have no idea if it was because she couldn't stand what Izzie Stevens had done or if she just couldn't stand to be around me anymore."

Joe reached out and covered her hand with his own, "Erica doesn't feel like she can work at a hospital where the Chief doesn't see how wrong his actions are…she's angry at Izzie for what she did but she doesn't blame her, she gets that Izzie fell in love, and she understands how that can make a person crazy. But what Erica can't understand is that the Chief, a man whose whole life has been spent as a surgeon, didn't respect the rules enough to know that he should have known better than to give Izzie a mild scolding for her actions; she thinks he should have been the one to report the situation to UNOS, it was his job and responsibility to protect his patients and teach his staff, not allow them to get away with something as serious as this."

Callie sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly, "What do I do Joe?"

"What do you want to do?"

Callie shook her head, "I want to build a time machine and start my whole relationship with Erica over, I want to not freak out when I get scared, I want to be able to tell her that being with her scares me in a good way but makes me act like an idiot sometimes, I want to not sleep with Mark, I want to tell her that I'll be her glasses for as long as she wants to see me as her leaves, and I want to not defend Izzie...because I'm really terrified that I've hurt her beyond repair and screwed up our relationship before I ever gave it a chance to start," she lifted her eyes and held his gaze, "But what I really want is to not have to build a stupid time machine because I got it right the first time around...I want it to not be too late to fix it..."

Joe shook his head, "When I first started dating Walter I made a lot of mistakes to, I was completely freaked out that I'd somehow managed to fall in love with him before my brain had had time to process it all."

"You and Walter are still together, that means you must have done something right, right?"

Joe let out an amused sight, "The first thing I did while I was in freak out mode was to act like an idiot and treat him like crap," Callie stared at him in surprise, "Luckily Walter was brave enough to call me out on it, he said to me that it was okay for me to be freaked out, he even said it was even okay for me to be terrified about our relationship, but he told me that the one thing that wasn't okay was me running away and not talking to him; he said communication is the key to happiness, no matter what it is you have to say, that sometimes the hardest thing to say to someone can lead to the easiest solution."

Callie raised her eyebrow, "So your advice to me is to just _talk_ to Erica?" Joe nodded, "Even if she doesn't want to listen?"

"She's stubborn as hell; everyone knows that, so she probably won't want to listen to what you have to say because she'll immediately think that you're making excuses for your actions."

"And I'm not supposed to make excuses," Joe nodded again, "I'm supposed to admit all of my faults and tell her that there is no excuse for my stupidity but that..."

Joe watched her struggle for a second, "Then you say everything you've wanted to say to her but have been to freaked out about to say, and you tell her about everything that you've panicked about-"

"And that all of the panicking I did means nothing now because I made her a promise for us to be scared together and completely went back on my word, leaving her with nothing to work with...so the reason everything went so horribly wrong between us, was because of me, breaking the promise I'd made to her at the very beginning."

Joe smiled at her, "And then what?"

"Then I tell her that I could promise to walk away from her and let her go if that's what she wants but that would be another lie...because I'm never going to be able to stop trying to make it right because..."

Joe raised his eyebrow, "Because?"

Callie took in a deep breath, "Because the truth is...I've fallen in love with her," she gave Joe a smile, "And I owe her all the truths I never spoke."

Joe picked up the Tequila and held it in front of Callie's eyes, "Want a drink to celebrate your moment of clarity?"

Callie jumped up from her stool, shrugging on her jacket as she shook her head at him, "No thanks Joe, I have something that I need to do, and it can't wait another second because I've already wasted too much time."

Joe smiled at her retrieving form, "Good luck Callie," he watched her pause and stood confused as she hurried back towards him, lent over the counter and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Thanks Joe, I owe you one," she put some money onto the bar and headed out of the door, eager to kick her plan into action.

-----------------------------

Callie took in a deep breath and lifted her hand to knock against the cold door. Getting up to Erica's apartment had been harder than she'd expected, she'd greeted the doorman with the same cheery greeting she normally did and was horrified when he informed her that Erica has given him strict orders not to let Callie up to her apartment; she'd had to give the cheeky old man a hundred dollars before he nodded in agreement and let her board the elevator up to Erica's floor.

After several long minutes of silence Callie knocked again; harder, "Erica? I know you don't want to see me but if you're there will you please just open the door," she reached into her jacket pocket and drew out her phone, dialling Erica's number and listening as the dial tone quickly turned into a voice mail tone, "Hey Erica, it's Callie. I have to talk to you about something, I'm at your apartment right now, but you're either out or just not answering your door...please call me back."

Callie settled herself on the floor, her back leaning against the wall opposite Erica's door; she'd wait just a few minutes longer to see if the blonde would contact her in any way, and if not...well she'd just have to think of other places she could be, there was no way she was giving up.

Two hours later Callie fished her key out of her pocket and slipped it into the lock, trying to be as quiet as possible as she turned the lock and slipped in to her apartment; not wanting to wake her roommate; Cristina wasn't the most friendly person if she was woken from sleep.

The dark apartment was suddenly filled with a bright light as a small figure stood in the kitchen, "Where the hell have you been Torres?"

Callie flinched as Cristina's voice filled her ears. Shrugging off her jacket, she threw it onto the chair along with her jacket, "I had some things to take care of."

Cristina scowled at her, "Well I've hardly had the best night, I mean-"

"I thought you'd be making out with Hunt?" Callie raised her eyebrow in question and took a quick glance towards Cristina's bedroom door, "He's not here is he?" she motioned towards the slightly ajar door.

Cristina shook her head, "No he's not here!"

"But you did make out with him?"

"Well I...he..." she shook her head again, "This isn't about me and Hunt; this is about you and all your...crying and breakdowns."

Callie walked into the kitchen and filled a glass with water, taking a long sip before turning back to the young resident, "It wasn't a breakdown; it was just an overflow of emotions."

"In the middle of a surgery?"

Callie shook her head, "Is there a reason you're still up at this time of night giving me hassle?" she settled the glass in the sink and headed towards her bedroom door, without giving Cristina a chance to respond, "Because I'm the one who's had the crap day, and I would like to head to bed without getting a sarcastic earful from you," she opened her door, "Night Cristina," she slammed the door shut her eyes widening as she turned to face her bed, "Hey..."

"Hi," Erica stood up from the end of Callie's bed; her eyes never leaving the dark haired woman's own.

Callie swallowed the lump in her throat, "Erica, I-"

"Shut up," The blonde held her hand up cutting her off.

"But I just need to say-"

Erica took another step towards her, her voice getting a little louder to get Callie's attention, "Torres, shut up."

Callie immediately stopped her rambling, her mouth opening and closing a couple more times before she firmly pursed her lips together and nodded her head. A long second of silence passed between them before Callie found the courage to try again, "Can't I just say-"

"No, you can't just say anything," Erica shook her head and took a deep breath; her eyes averting Callie's piercing gaze, "I can't believe I'm here doing this..."

"Here doing what?" Callie's voice came out as a gentle whisper between them and drawing Erica's eyes back to her.

"Here telling you that you really..." Erica's eyes scrunched up as her mind searched for the right words, "_Really_ suck."

Callie looked at her for a few seconds, "I _really_ suck?"

Erica nodded, "Yeah Cal, you _really_ suck, and you've done some really shitty, hurtful things to me over the last few weeks-"

"That's what I wanted to talk-"

Erica held her hand up again, "Really hurtful things, and I'm angry with you, I'm _really _hurt and angry with you-"

"I know you-"

"Would you let me finish!" Callie's stopped mid sentence as Erica's forceful voice filled her ears and she managed to nod her head in response, "You've hurt me more than I ever thought possible and I really am angry with you Cal," she shook her head and ran a hand through her hair as she lifted her eyes to meet dark pools, "But not half as angry as I am at myself."

"Erica-"

"No," she took another step towards the orthopaedic surgeon, "You're the one who kissed me outside the hospital, you're the one who promised me we'd be scared together, you're the one who initiated our first time together on your stupid couch and you're the damn idiot who freaked out afterwards...and I'm the complete fool for letting you get away with it all."

Callie stood still, confusion covering her features and lacing her voice, "What?"

Erica rolled her eyes and took another step closer, "I can be a little slow on the uptake of all the emotional stuff sometimes, but you," she let out an amused sigh, "You're completely dense about it all, and I should have known better than to let you get away with it."

Callie shook her head, "I don't get it."

Erica let out a chuckle, "What a surprise Torres," she smirked, "We've been friends for awhile now and you told me all about what happened with George...so I should have known that you'd be more cautious this time around. But I didn't get it until the other night."

"Get what?" Callie could stop her hand from reaching out to touch Erica's own; quickly dropping it back down at her side before their skin connected.

"That I'd need to call you out on all your crap," Erica smiled and Callie let out an amused sigh, "You're not good at the whole communicating thing Cal, you use weird metaphors that take army styled training to crack...or Bailey," she raised her eyebrow and smirked playfully as Callie shook her head in shame, a groan escaping her lips.

"You spoke to Bailey?"

Erica nodded, "Well I needed some help to figure your crazy ass out Torres," she reached out and laced her fingers through Callie's own, "I'm really pissed at you, I need you to tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling, I'm not a mind reader Callie."

"I reported Seattle Grace to UNOS."

The smile on Erica's face faded and she let go of Callie's hands, taking a step back, "I hope you didn't do that to make up for our fight Callie. You didn't agree with me, so I don't need some pathetic attempt for you to try and make it better."

Callie watched Erica sit down on the edge of her bed and joined her a second later; tilting her head to find blue eyes, "I didn't do it because of our fight, and I didn't do it for you. I did it because it was the right thing to do, hell it should have been done a long time ago, before you and me ever got into this mess...sometimes there isn't a reason why," Callie shrugged, "Sometimes things happen because they're meant to happen."

Erica studied her for a second before speaking again, "I'm glad you called them."

Callie smiled, "I'm glad you came here to call me out on my crap Walter."

Erica raised an Eyebrow, "Walter?"

Callie nodded her head, "You're my Walter, and I really needed you to kick my ass into gear."

"Were you at Joe's tonight?" Callie nodded and smiled at her, "Walter, hey?" Erica smiled back at her, "And why did you need that kick up the ass Torres?"

Callie slid her fingers between Erica's own and drew their linked hands into her lap, "Because it means I finally have no more lame excuses to freak out, it means I get to tell you that I'm sorry for all of the lies and stupid things I've done to cause you any pain," she reached out to cup the blonde's cheek, "And it means that I finally get to stop being scared enough to communicate with you...to tell you that all the freaking out is really the result...of me falling head over heels in love with you."

Erica leaned her head forward and captured Callie's lips between her own, pulling back she found dark eyes, "See Joe, communication really is the key to happiness, no matter what it is you have to say, sometimes the hardest thing to say to someone really can lead to the easiest solution," she leant forward and brushed another kiss against the younger woman's lips, "And in case you haven't caught on yet, I love you too Cal."

Callie let out a happy laugh, "No reason needed?"

"Love doesn't need a reason, some things happen just because they're meant to happen," she smiled playfully, "You okay with that now Joe?"

Callie nodded; her megawatt smile shining through, "More than okay Walter, much, _much_ more than okay."


End file.
